The Shards of Our Hearts (Phan AU)
by yeehawbeets
Summary: Phan AU where a heart above your head shows how broken your soul is. Dan, a boy from a small town with a whole heart moves to London and meets Phil, a boy with a completely shattered heart. Naturally, Dan wants to help out. Rated T for now but will probably be rated M in the future.
1. Chapter 1 - Dan

**A/N: If you're reading this (anyone? no? okay...) then hi! Welcome to my new Phanfic! This is basically an AU where a heart above your head shows how broken your soul is, and Dan's heart is unbroken and Phil's is shattered. (Yeah you can probably see where this is going BUT there are some plot twists I promise.)**

 **This was co-written with my friend who doesn't have an account on FFN-she wrote Phil's chapters and I wrote Dan's.**

 **ALSO this fic contains yaoi. Possibly lemons in the future so the rating may go up. Don't like, don't read.**

 **Anyways, enjoy!**

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Chapter 1

"Daniel, it's fine. I'm sure you can find some new friends," my mom comforts me. We're sitting in the back seat of our small Prius. Two weeks ago my dad got a job offer at some kind of fancy technology company all the way in London. I used to live in Broughton, a tiny town in Wales with a population under 600 people. I'm used to knowing nearly every person around, and I know I'll be overwhelmed by the bustling streets of London. Plus, I'll have to start a new school in the middle of the year. I've had the same friends since kindergarten, and I thought that I'd have them as friends for life. I give my mom a swift nod and turn to look out the window. What if I _don't_ make friends? Being alone isn't one of my strong points, especially since my heart is so unbroken.

Everyone has a heart above their head that signifies how broken they are. In my town, most people had just a couple of small cracks, and at worst (meaning the grumpy old fisherman that never talks to anyone) a clean split down the middle. But Mom told me that in big cities, hearts are often more broken because everyone is afraid of each other. Does that make people more unfriendly? Or just sad? I want to know, and I'm nervous they'll all just be jealous of my heart and tease me.

Most people are born with a full heart, and the first cracks will usually appear when they're around four. However, when I was born the doctor told my mom that I had an unnaturally sturdy heart, and that he hoped it would stay pure. On my fourth birthday, both my parents were watching my heart nervously as they looked for cracks. When none were there the next day, they told me about the cracks in people's hearts. I asked if they could be fixed, and my mom shook her head. She told me that most cracks are for life and that once your soul is broken, you can't fix it.

I've always been bothered by that, though. My dad's a mechanic, and he always told me that his job is to fix broken machines. His favorite phrase was, "If you can break it, you can fix it." So why not people's hearts?

Trees blur by as my dad careens through an exit onto another freeway. Our drive is around 3 and a half hours, and we've been driving for about two. I've watched our village marketplace transform into a vast forest as we bumbled along a dirt road, then watched all the little farms fly by as they transformed into another village, a collection of small houses with boarded windows and thatched roofs. After another bit, we reached a paved road. Dad explained to me that paved roads usually signified a bigger town, or even a city. I've been looking at pictures of London, and am almost scared of the height of the skyscrapers, the bleakness of the streets. I'm worried that everyone at my school will be like the grumpy fisherman-lonely and rude.

But I desperately want to prove my parents wrong. I want to show that hearts can be fixed. I want someone else to be like me. Throughout the 8 years I've been in the village's small school, I've never seen anyone's heart get repaired, only broken. In fourth grade, Ethan's mom died, and he gained another crack in his heart. Similar incidents have happened, and the whole town has grieved-not only for the death or horrible incident, but also for the fresh cracks in the hearts of those affected. Every year I waited for someone's heart to somehow get fixed, and every year I've been disappointed.

The only problem is: No one's ever fixed a heart. So how can I?

The trees become more sparse, and houses grow more tightly packed as we wind through the roads of the city. I see little kids playing on small swingsets, and older kids shopping at various stores. My heart pounds as I see their hearts: each one of them has at least three cracks. And we're not even in the city. Will the hearts get even more broken? What if there's one that's practically shattered?

My dad turns on to the lane that leads to my new school. I bite my lip and toss my dad's old backpack over my shoulder-we didn't want to have to buy anything new other than the apartment that we'd saved money for for years. Hands trembling, I push open the car door and step out.

The first thing I realize is that the city _smells._ Like smoke and old garbage. And the school's huge, probably fifty times larger than my old one. I force myself to put one foot in front of the other as I glance around and see the cracks in people's hearts while they mill around the parking lot. The minimum I've seen so far is five. _Five!_ I can't imagine what's happened to all these city folk to make their hearts this cracked.

I only realize I've stopped when my mom gently nudges me forward. We're nearly at the entrance. Different people give me weird looks, probably knowing I'm new. My dad holds the door for my mom and me as we walk in.

A rush of artificial, cold air blasts me in the face one I step in the doors. _This_ is what city people call comfort? My nose unconsciously wrinkles once more as I smell the faint scent of antiseptic(eye). We walk through a mass of hallways, and my mind's racing. _What if everyone thinks I'm weird? What if I'm left alone? What if all their hearts are so cracked they hate everyone?_ I vigorously shake the thoughts from my head. I don't want to think like that, especially if I want to keep my heart pure. Many people gain cracks in their heart after the age of twenty, when real life's worries crash down on them. I made a vow to myself that I'd never do that.

We pass by classrooms, each one with a laminated sticker on the front stating the class inside. "Chemistry 101," one says, while another says, "AP Calculus BC." I furrow my brow in worry. Is that what city people do? In my village- _old_ village, I remind myself morosely-we didn't learn those things until twelfth grade. What if I'm the stupidest one here?

Thankfully, my thoughts are interrupted as I'm gently pushed into an office. A small woman with a pointy chin, wire-rimmed glasses, and tight black hair that's tied into a bun sits at a desk, her gaze calculating. I shiver inwardly. Her heart is broken in so many places I can hardly count. I bite my lip again. Are all the teachers like this? "Sit," she states in a cold voice. I obey, and grip the arms of the chair until my knuckles turn white. I can tell that she's making both my parents nervous as well: my mom is twirling a strand of her hair, and my dad is fidgeting with his watch. We sit in awkward silence until my mom begins to converse. "Daniel is going to be a new student here. He is joining the ninth grade and should hopefully already be registered."

"I should hope so," the teacher states monotonously and goes to check a file on her computer. She scrolls through something, and my whole family begins to grow more worried. Mom's hair twirling increases in speed, and I taste blood on my lip. Finally, she turns back to us. "He is registered. Please follow me," and without another word, she stands up. It takes another second for all of us to be shaken from our stupor. Never have any of us seen someone's heart that's this cracked. I can only hope the others have less cracks.

Her shoes click on the floor as we walk down the hall. We go through another mess of hallways until we reach a classroom. It's labeled, "Ninth Grade Homeroom A2." I wonder what A2 is, and I hope it doesn't mean much-I'd rather not be judged by the other kids on the first day. Then again, my heart is bound to stand out even more than it did in my town, so this shouldn't matter anyway.

The teacher opens the door and curtly ushers us inside. I take a glance around and am happy to see that most hearts have only around seven cracks. The teacher even only has eight. I smile and, after giving a quick hug to my parents, walk over to the only empty seat in the room. The desks are arranged in groups of two, and everyone's sitting with their friends. Of course. I should've known that I'd be alone, probably with another loner. The kid has black hair with a fringe, and is wearing a graphic tee shirt that I don't understand along with black jeans. His eyes are a piercing blue. I have to say, he's kind of cute.

I notice it as I make my way to the desk.

His heart is shattered. Not cracked many times, like the teacher in that office, but shattered. I gasp inaudibly as I take my seat. What could have happened to this kid?

Then I remember my decision from the car, and I smile softly.

I'm going to fix this boy's heart, no matter what it takes.


	2. Chapter 2 - Phil

**A/N: Here's chapter 2! Creds to my friend for writing this :P**

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No one ever sits next to me. Maybe they're scared. I prefer to be alone anyways. Whenever we get a new kid in our homeroom they always jam into another table, instead of sitting next to me. So naturally I expected this new kid to try and sit at another table, leaving me in peace. But no. He walks right over to me and sits down. I'm guessing he's not from around here, because everyone knows about me. The kid with the shattered heart. I notice the other boy staring at me.

"Hey," he says softly, in a voice that's soft and comforting.

I look up at him and back down again.

He taps my head. "Anyone in there?"

"What do you want?" I snap at him.

His gaze turns from happy to downcast. "I was just saying hello," he mumbles.

I see him staring at me out of the corner of my eye.

"Hello. There, happy?" I say coldly.

He doesn't reply. I think I see tears in his eyes, but I don't care. "This is worse than I thought," I think I hear him whisper. I glance at him and notice something that I didn't before. His heart has no cracks. Completely solid. How is that even possible? I guess he saw me looking at him. You'd think he would give up at this point, but no.

"Are you from around here?" he asks, but I hear the undertone. _Is everyone here like you?_

"I grew up here." I respond. "You must not be from around here," I add.

"No, I'm not," he says softly, and his eyes take on a wistful look. "I'm from Broughton. It's a really small town. You've probably never heard of it."

"Makes sense." I spit.

He turns his head away once more and sighs. I strain to hear his voice, and it sounds like he's saying, "How am I going to do this?"

I turn away as the bell rings, signaling classes were starting, a hollow feeling in my chest that I didn't know was there before.


	3. Chapter 3 - Dan

**A/N: Here's Dan again!**

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Even in my worst nightmares, I never thought that the kids in London would be so mean. I was just trying to talk! And he ignored me, then snapped at me. Why would he hate me so much? I've never met a loner who _wanted_ to be alone. Though maybe it's good he didn't talk to me. As we walked out of the classroom to go to our first class-and I still have no idea where to go-I got weird looks from everyone, as if talking to that boy was something I shouldn't do.

I suddenly realize I'm lost. The rude lady in the office never told me anything about the school, and I was hoping to actually meet someone in the homeroom that'd want to show me around. Of course, no such luck. And now I'm in a hallway of Biology classes instead of US History, which is where I'm supposed to be going.

I try and retrace my steps, but only end up more lost. I start to bite my lip in worry. What if I'm late to class? I don't want to give off a bad impression on the very first day, especially when I'm trying to make friends. My heart clenches as I realize that my real friends are three hours away, in a small town that I'll probably never visit again. And anyone with less than five cracks in their heart is also far, far away. I wonder what it is about cities that cracks hearts? The bad smell? The fact that most people have cracked hearts anyway? I have no idea.

I'm shaken from my brief trance when someone taps me on the shoulder. "Lost?" a deep and cheerful voice asks. I turn around. A tall boy with curly brown hair, bright green eyes, and a heart with only _four_ cracks is staring down at me. I nod shyly and show him my schedule. Hopefully he'll be nice, and maybe I can fix him instead of the shattered-heart boy.

I bite my lip again as I think of him. Why was he so mean? I know it was probably due to his shattered heart, but he seemed to be bothered by me more than anyone else in the room. Did I bother him in some way? I wish I knew, but I know I've got to focus on getting to class right now.

The boy probably notices my worried state, and claps me on the shoulder. "Hey, it's fine, we all get lost sometimes!" He looks me up and down. "Hang on, are you new?"

"Yeah," I say softly, even quieter than when I spoke to shattered-heart boy. I lower my eyes to the ground. By now he's probably noticed my heart, and I don't really feel like getting judged for that right now. I quickly ask, "So how do I get there? I can't be late," I cringe inwardly at how afraid my voice sounds. Mom told me that city people are rarely timid and often step on (metaphorically and literally) the quiet people. I'm normally a bit quiet, but not this quiet. I tack it up to my nervousness of being at a new school, and instead focus on the directions the boy is giving me. "Left, then right at the water fountain, then left again...hang on, I can just show you." His voice is loud, and I sense a happiness in him that I didn't know could exist in cracked hearts like his.

He looks at me expectantly, and I nod and smile. "Of course, if I don't make _you_ late."

He grins and winks. "I've got a free period first today. Now, let's go!" he begins to lead me down the hall. I wonder what a free period is. We never had anything that was called "free" at my school- _old_ school. Tears start to prick my eyes as I think of home-my _old_ home-but I hold them back. There's no sense in crying now, especially when I'm being shown to a class.

We eventually reach a classroom labeled, "US History." I thank the boy and bid him goodbye. He waves and walks away. I gently open the door, and again see that most seats are full. The only open table is on the right of the classroom, in the second row. In one of its two chairs resides shattered-heart boy. I sigh and walk over there anyway. I probably should have guessed this anyway. After all, I am new here.

This time I sit down and say nothing. I simply take out my notebook and a pen, and I wait for the lesson to start. As the teacher begins to talk about the Revolutionary War, I smile. I studied this last year! Maybe I won't be as stupid as I thought. I mindlessly take notes as I ponder what already happened today. I left my hometown, my friends, everything I once knew, and ended up at this school full of cracked hearts and people who hate me. At least the boy with the green eyes seemed to be nice, but he looked a lot older than me. He _did_ seem popular though, so maybe if I became friends with him others would be nice to me.

My eyes dart over to shattered-heart boy. He's staring at the whiteboard with a depressed expression. I roll my eyes-of course he's not happy, his heart is _shattered_ -and turn back to my notes. I do still want to try and fix his heart, but maybe fixing someone else's first would be easier. After all, I've got four years at this school to go through. I probably shouldn't waste my time trying to make friends that will probably never be nice to me and instead try and make friends with the people that have less-cracked hearts.

Before I know it, the lesson ends and I'm starting to get lost in the hallways again. I try and follow some kids to a classroom, but they end up going to "English 101" instead of "AP Biology." I sigh as I wander hopelessly through the hallways once more. I probably should have asked someone for help, but I didn't want to be awkward and impose on their friend groups.

A familiar voice calls out behind me, "Lost again?" I hear the laugh in his voice and turn around. It's green-eyed boy. I nod and hand him my schedule. A smile breaks across his face, and I wonder fleetingly if we have a class together. Then I remember that he's probably much older than me, and there's very little chance that we'll share anything in our schedule. But he surprises me by saying, "I've got AP Bio too! Come with me!" I begin to wonder if all the sentences he speaks end with either an exclamation point or a question mark.

He runs through many different hallways, and I wonder how I'll ever find my way around this place. Finally, we reach the classroom and sit down at an empty table. I'm honestly surprised that he'd sit with me, since it's clear he has friends-everyone in the classroom waves to him as he walks in.

As the lesson starts, I realize that maybe the classes here won't be as bad as I initially thought. I remember doing things like this earlier in the year. The boy starts to make quiet conversation with me, and I decide that maybe this school won't be that bad.

"Are you from around here?" he asks. I shake my head no. I'm a bit worried about talking in class, since I don't want the teacher to single me out and possibly get me in trouble on the first day. However, I notice everyone else talking rather loudly, and I decide it's probably okay. As softly as I can manage (which _is_ pretty quiet), I ask, "What's your name?"

He smiles. "I'm PJ. I'm a junior. You're a freshman, right?" I have no idea what either of those terms mean, so I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, sorry. I'm in eleventh grade." My eyes widen. So he _is_ older than me. But that doesn't explain why we have classes together. "Am I in the wrong class? By the way, I'm Dan."

"No, you're in the right place. I'm honestly pretty surprised by your schedule. You're in three AP classes, and you're only in ninth grade. I don't think that's ever happened before."

"Really?" A smile creeps its way onto my face. I'm already starting to feel better about myself and this school.

Maybe helping that shattered-heart boy can wait.


	4. Chapter 4 - Phil

**A/N: Okay, I'm really shook that people reviewed this but THANK YOU! Here's chapter 4, written by my friend...**

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This boy won't stop. He even sat next to me in my first class. I think he finally learned his lesson and didn't talk to me. Luckily he isn't in my second class. I swear if he tries to sit next to me or talk to me during lunch… I walk to the schoolyard and sit under a tree. Nobody ever bothers me here. But everyone still stares at me. It's probably because of my shattered heart. I barely even remember how I got it. All I remember is that one day my parents died. It must've been in a car crash or something. I don't know anymore. Then my friends moved away. Then my older brother got hit by a car. Everyone left me. Then everyone at school made fun of me for it. _"It's your fault you know. You're a freak, they left you for a reason._ That'll break anyone. I watch as the boy crosses the yard with PJ, one of the most popular kids here. _How is his heart so pure? How is that possible?_


	5. Chapter 5 - Dan

I eat lunch with PJ, and he seems nice enough. He's what I expected from someone in the city: nice, funny, but with just a few cracks. My doubts about this school have faded away. We talk about our classes, and he asks me about my old village.

"It's pretty small, under 600 people. Everyone knows everyone, and if you went there you'd probably have the most cracked heart in the whole town."

"Whoa, really?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah. The most cracks anyone really had was four, and the grumpiest man in town just had his heart split down the middle. I never expected city kids to be this, well, _broken._ " I cast a glance at shattered-heart boy, who's sitting under a tree, staring at everyone. It's almost as if he's watching over the whole yard. He catches me staring and I hastily look away. PJ nods in understanding, "Yeah. He's a bit of a weirdo. Fine up until sixth grade, when everyone close to him died. Oh, and they call him Phil. Or Phreak. You can pick." He grins.

I nod contemplatively and chuckle. _Phil? An interesting name._ "Oh, and there were probably only around fifteen kids in my grade." I bite my lip. "I miss them," I say softly.

PJ wraps an arm around my shoulder. "That's rough. I'll help you adjust though." I nod somberly, and something clicks in his mind. "Oh. You had a girlfriend?" I shake my head. "Crush?" I nod. "Did she like you back?" I bite my lip, this time fighting the urge to laugh. My supposed crush wasn't even a girl. Nor did he like me back.

Ethan was the boy with the most cracks in his heart in my grade. He had three-of course, now that I've been in the city, that isn't very many. He always sat alone, and everyone thought it was because he had a cracked heart. But I somehow understood. No one tried to be friends with him anyway. But he always smiled around the adults, and he always paid attention in class. Oh, and did I mention he was _extremely_ hot? He had brown hair that hung in a fringe over his face-just like Phil, now that I think about it-with blonde highlights. His eyes were an emerald green, and he'd always wear a flannel shirt with jeans, even in summer. I was nice to him for a period of time, that is until my friends started teasing me for it and saying that I must like him. Not wanting them to know, I stopped hanging out with him, and I could tell he was hurt. But I decided that my friends were more important to me than some middle school crush. Still, how can I tell PJ this? Will he judge me? Even in my village, I was teased for not dating anyone during middle school, which made people assume I was into guys (then again, they weren't wrong). But PJ isn't my closest friend, so I'll just play along with what he thinks. I shake my head.

But PJ seems to be able to read me easily, and asks, "What happened? Did she like you but then rejected you?" I sigh. I don't want to tell him the whole story, but I know he'll be able to tell if I'm lying. So I mumble, "We were friends for a while until my friends started teasing me." There, that should be good. Not a lie, but not the total truth.

"What's she look like?" I sigh again. "Brown-ish, blonde-ish, hair, green eyes, really cute." I close my eyes and hope he won't press further.

But, unfortunately, PJ seems to somehow read me again. I wonder if I'm actually that obvious about my emotions. "Or is it a guy?" he asks with a smirk. I bite my lip hard until I taste blood, then nod. There goes my only friend at this school.

But to my surprise, he ruffles my hair and laughs. "You should meet my boyfriend. Oi, Chris!" he beckons another tall, black-haired boy over. He has blue eyes and black square-framed glasses. Chris smiles and waves at me. "Hey," I say softly, waving back. PJ pats me on the back and stands up. "Come on, let's go inside." I follow them, not wanting to be a third wheel but also not wanting to be alone.

PJ reads me _again_ , "You aren't a third wheel. It's fine." I look over at Chris. "Is he always like this?" Chris nods and laughs. "He's pretty much a mind reader. It gets scary as you get to know him."

"No, it doesn't!" PJ protests. Chris and I just laugh.

I'm glad I've made friends on the first day, but I still can't help but think about Phil. No one's heart should be that broken. I can't bear to look at it. Besides, he _does_ remind me of Ethan. I shake the thought from my head, not willing to think about him now. I need to get over him if I want to survive here.

Chris, PJ, and I walk to our next class-art-which we somehow all share, and grab a three-person table in the back of the room. I see Phil enter the classroom and watch him as he sits at the table next to us. Class begins, and all the teacher does is drone on about how we need to not break the materials. I start to zone out.

And somehow, despite my vow to wait until later, I find myself formulating a plan for Phil.


	6. Chapter 6 - Phil

**A/N: Again, credits to my friend for writing Phil's POV.**

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Art class is my favorite time of the day. Drawing is one of the few things that actually give me joy. That and anime. I look over and see that boy with PJ and Chris. At least the runt managed to find some friends. Maybe he'll finally leave me alone. That would be great. I go back to my sketch of a cat. I wish I wasn't allergic to cats, or I would get one. I feel eyes burning into the side of my head and glance over to see Dan staring at me. He quickly looks back down at his own drawing, which I look at and see it's of me. What does that kid want from me? Hasn't PJ told him to leave me alone? Why won't he leave me alone? I shouldn't have to worry about this. Maybe if I keep being mean to him he will give up. He seems like a delicate flower anyways.

Short and sweet.


	7. Chapter 7 - Dan

**A/N: Sorry this chapter is a bit short *shrugs***

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The rest of the day passes pretty smoothly. PJ and Chris help me get to my classes, and I find that we actually have most of our classes together, except for history and English. At the end of the day, we exchange phone numbers and I happily wave goodbye to them as I step into my dad's car.

"How was your day, Dan?" Mom asks.

"Good," I reply, smiling as I realize that I didn't feel too lonely after all. "I met two new friends."

"That's nice, Dan," she says. "How were their hearts?"

"One of them had four cracks, the other had six. But that's not that bad. There's this boy with a _completely_ shattered heart. It's horrible." I turn back to the window, remembering my plan. I can only hope it works. I barely even register the fact that we are home, that I did my homework, that I have to go to bed to get ready for tomorrow until I'm lying in bed, reviewing my plan again. It's a simple one, but I know I'll have to keep myself thinking positively as I carry it out. I don't want to go back on my mission-besides, Chris and PJ look too happy to get fixed. They look a lot happier than Ethan, even though they've got more cracks. I'm starting to wonder if the number of cracks you have doesn't necessarily determine your personality, just maybe how your life turned out. If so, I hope I can at least make Phil happier, even if I don't fix his heart.

I can't even begin to fathom how many things happened to Phil to hurt him like that. I can't imagine that it was just losing his friends and family. Was he hurt even before that? What did his heart look like? And was it shattered immediately, or piece by piece? I can't know how to fix something if I don't know how it was broken.

That's the thing about having a pure heart: You never know what it feels like to be hurt.


	8. Chapter 8 - Phil

**A/N: REVIEWS! I know there aren't that many, but they still make my day! Thank you! *sends internet chocolate***

 **I might switch to a more regular updating schedule-I'll try to update a few chapters every Thursday.**

 **Anyways, here's the next chapter (written by my friend)**

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I lay in bed, curled up into a ball, staring at the ceiling. I do feel a bit bad for being mean to Dan-that's what PJ called him, at least. But these things can't be helped if you've got a shattered heart. Ever since the last portion of my heart broke into pieces, everyone said I was hopeless. That I could never be happy again. That it might be good if I just killed myself. And I can't say I didn't believe them. If anything, I believed it more than them. But I was too broken to care. And when they all just started ignoring me, I decided to let them all be and let life go on. I physically can't care anymore.

That's the thing about being so broken that you're considered shattered: You don't have enough emotion left to even end it all.


	9. Chapter 9 - Dan

Today's the day I can put my plan in action. Today I will get Phil to be a tad less emotionless. A tad less depressed. Hopefully. I squeeze my eyes shut. I hope my plan works. I hope so much that I'm surprised I can even focus on eating breakfast, grabbing my homework, and heading out.

I quietly step into homeroom and sit down in the only empty seat: still the one next to Phil. This is good. Maybe I can get a head start on my plan. However, I didn't like the feeling of him snapping at me, so I don't know what I should do to get him to talk that would prevent that.

I allow myself small glances over at him to see if he's okay, if he's staring at me, or at anything in particular. But all I see him doing is staring out at a tree by the window and chewing at his fingernails. Sighing internally, I bite my lip and look away.

The next few classes go uneventfully, with me trying to find the perfect moment to talk to Phil and him just staring outside, not paying attention to me. I don't even know if the guy can smile. I shake the thought from my head. He has to! I came here determined to fix his heart, and I won't stop until I have. I know I sound obsessive, but I don't care. I don't want to break any promises, even to myself.

I'm waiting outside on the bench for PJ and Chris when Phil sits down next to me. My eyes widen briefly in shock, and I start to stutter out a greeting.

"Don't bother," he says in a monotonous tone. "No one has and no one ever will." I grimace a bit. Could he be any more depressing? (He could, I later realized) Trying to compose myself, I rack my brain for something to say to a comment like that. Nothing comes, and the two of us begin to eat in a comfortable silence.

After around five minutes, I hear PJ calling out my name. I glance up and see that he's waving me over to the school entrance, Chris by his side. I glance over at Phil, who's finished his lunch, and see him staring at the tree. I start to wonder what significance the tree has to him, but he catches me staring and I look away. "Sorry," I mutter, then look over at PJ, who's still screaming my name. "I've got to go," I jab my thumb towards PJ, "Dat boi's here." I gasp audibly in shock.

Phil's smiling. A small smile, just the corners of his lips turned upwards.

Maybe I can help him after all.


	10. Chapter 10 - Phil

**A/N: AAAH here's another chapter, a day late! *shrugs* sorry...**

 **Also, THANK YOU PEOPLE FOR REVIEWING! I'm not quite sure how to reply to reviews but thank you to everyone!**

 **Again, credits to my friend (whose wattpad is** **Appreciate_Jon_Snow) for writing this!**

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I curse myself for letting Dan see me smile. I'm not supposed to let anyone know I'm capable of caring. If I do, they'll go back to non stop teasing. That might make _them_ come back for me. I only joined _them_ out of hope that it would scare the others off. It didn't. It only got me deeper into something I never wanted to be a part of. And now I have to live with the fear. I'll give the kid something for trying though, it doesn't seem like he's giving up any time soon. I watch him walk over to his popular friends, wondering how he stays out of drama. _Maybe he could help_ I think, before seeing the tree out of the corner of my eye. _You can't let him help, if he helps then you're both dead._ The bell rings and I get up, heading inside for art.

I feel someone sit next to me, and jump. No one ever sits next to me. "Hey, Phil," he says with a small smile. Small for him, that is, considering his personality and full heart. "And here you are again. I thought I already warned you not to bother," I mutter. "And if you did you might die," I add quietly, looking away. "What was that?" he says innocently, but there's a touch of hurt-or maybe worry?-to his voice. I shake my head and stare out the window, at the perfectly positioned tree. Dan isn't tough enough to be in that situation. He has to learn that sometimes you really can't do anything.

All of a sudden I feel someone shaking me. I turn to see, yet again, Dan. "What do you want from me?" I snap again. "I was just saying hello," he murmurs softly, and looks away, blinking quickly. Was he _really_ that sensitive? How could anyone be _that_ sensitive? The kid deserves better though. Maybe I could put up a front for him… Maybe they wouldn't know. But they always know. Fuck it, if I was going to die I would rather die defying them then being with them. "I'm sorry," I whisper, so quietly that only Dan can hear. "It's fine," he says softly, contemplatively. As if he's analyzing me. Seriously, this is one weird kid. I feel a sense of panic. What if _they_ have spies watching me. Then I die. The sweet release of death. It would probably be a mercy to anyone who cares, but frankly I can't feel much towards or against it at all.


	11. Chapter 11 - Dan

He talked to me.

A start, though not very much. Still. I know he won't open up easily, and after that smile, he's rebuilt his walls pretty fast. But at least I talked to him. I repeat it over and over: _He talked to me, he talked to me,_ Phil _talked to me._ It gives me some sort of comfort, but I can't shake how dark he seemed. What on earth has he experienced? He said something about him dying...what could have happened? I know, somehow know that whatever happened to him caused this broken-no, _shattered_ -heart.

And I'm determined to find out.

After Art, I head with Chris and PJ to Chemistry, mind still reeling. He would be a lot better if he just let down his walls. His heart doesn't matter. I will try-I _will_ -fix it. Besides, Ethan acted fine, even though he had a few cracks. Perhaps it's just people treating him differently, horribly, because of his heart. And that's given him these walls. Or maybe it's whatever happened? I would guess both, but I know nothing of what he was like before I met him. All I know is that someone did something to him-something so horrible his heart shattered-and he's never been the same. I've got to find out what happened. I'll-

My thoughts are interrupted by PJ tapping my head. "Anyone in there?"

"Yeah," I mumble softly, still deep in thought.

"You know, at this rate we're thinking you _like_ someone," he teases, and I slap him playfully on the shoulder. "Shut up."

Because there's no way I could ever like this boy. The one with all his walls and all his cracks. The one who won't open up enough to even say hello to me.

Not if I can do something to fix him first.


	12. Chapter 12 - Phil

**A/N: C** **redits to my friend (whose wattpad is** **Appreciate_Jon_Snow) for writing this!**

* * *

I start the long walk home, or what I call home. A small apartment in exactly the "wrong side" of town. It's all I could get with the money I have. Speaking of money, I had to go to work after this. That's another part of my life that I despise. I managed to snag a job at one of the shops downtown. Everyone is always so cheery there, until they meet me. I guess my shattered heart isn't very personable. So now I work in the back. See, I bet that Dan kid doesn't have to deal with this. Maybe that's why (im eating noodles) he's so cheery. He doesn't have a job to suck away his happiness.

I was actually put on register duty tonight. I guess they figured it wouldn't be that busy. And they were right. There's no one. Until I hear the door actually open. I wake up from my usual boring-day nap and sigh as I realize that, of course, its Dan. Dan Howell, in a skate shop? _What could he possibly be buying?_ I ask myself. Curiosity gets the best of me, and I look up, pretending I hadn't seen him. He notices me right away though. "Oh, hey Phil!" he says cheerily, waving and smiling. Though, even I can tell that his smile is a bit forced. I give a small wave. "Why are you in a skate shop?" I mutter quietly, but loud enough for him to hear. "PJ and Chris skateboard often, and they wanted me to try. So, here I am," he smiles that minutely-forced smile again, and his eyes are penetrating into mine. I give a small nod and go back to my own thoughts, watching as Dan starts inspecting the skateboards. Not so long after, the door opens again. I glance over to see PJ and Chris, probably here to help Dan. I watch as they laugh and joke together, and eventually, Dan picks up a skateboard.


	13. Chapter 13 - Dan

**A/N: AAAAAAH I DIDNT UPDATE IM SORRY I HAVE NO EXCUSE *hides under rock* pls dont kill meh**

* * *

PJ and Chris asked me to skateboard with them after school today, and I had to grudgingly admit that I'd never owned a skateboard nor skateboarded. In my old town, no one had had a skateboard, and besides, who would need one when there was work to do on the farms? So, they told me to go to Dil's Boards (wow the sims have taken over excellent haha), a cheap skate shop in the sketchy area downtown, next to the smoke shop and down a thin alleyway that looks almost cobbled together, an arrangement of disconnected puzzle pieces. I tentatively opened the door and looked inside. The store itself isn't very sketchy, just an arrangement of boards on one wall with helmets on the other and posters dotting the third. A man's hunched over at the register, seemingly asleep. His head is resting on his right hand, and, hey, I have to say he's pretty hot, laying there with his fringe of black hair obscuring one eye and his mouth slightly open as he breathes.

I freeze as he wakes up and I see the piercing blue-gray eyes. _It's Phil._ God, what was I thinking, ogling him like that? I internally slap myself and try to look casual. "Oh, hey Phil," I say, pretending to be looking around. I spot a pretty nice board on the wall-plain black with small designs of skulls dotting the edges-and smile when I see the price. _$20._ Even though I believed PJ and Chris saying this shop was cheap, I didn't expect it to be this cheap. I'd heard that some skateboards cost upwards of 300 dollars!

"Why are you in a skate shop?" Phil asks matter-of-factly in his typical monotone, though I sense a hint of curiosity in his voice. I quickly explain, not trusting myself to look over at him, _God why am I such an idiot, I should have recognized him, why didn't I notice him, I don't like him and never will-he was plain_ rude _to me, just because he's cute doesn't mean-_

And PJ and Chris walk in. A smile quickly washes over my face and I wave. "Hey guys!"

"Hey! Didn't expect to see you here this early," PJ winks, and I laugh. "I figured I'd give myself a chance to check it out first. You know, before you guys just bought me a skateboard and walked out." Chris snorts at this, and I already feel better, all thoughts of the man at the register, _not Phil,_ I tell myself, gone.

I tell them about the board I liked, and PJ nods in mock contemplation. "I didn't know a boy with a heart like yours was into those kinds of things," he teases, and ruffles my hair. I shrink away, not really annoyed, and pull out the money to buy it.

"Phil, can you ring up that skateboard for me?" I ask, pointing to the skateboard.

"Sure," he says, his voice as emotionless as ever.

PJ and Chris share a look, and I'm not sure what it means. I worry that it's about me, that they somehow know about earlier. _No._ That didn't happen. I was just appreciating someone I saw in the shop, right? There are many factors that go into liking a person, and appreciating Phil's appearance doesn't mean anything. Besides, when he's awake he's back to being cold, with that bored expression I don't like. I wouldn't even know him if I wasn't trying to fix his heart. Maybe I should stop trying to help? I shake my head again. _NO._ I have to keep this promise, if it's the only thing I keep from my old village.

I quickly pay and head out, skateboard in hand-PJ said he could lend me a helmet-and we head out.

I surprise myself by not falling off my board as we ride around the park. By the end of it all, we've got to go home and I'm exhausted. We walk over to my house and I say goodbye to them as I walk inside. As they walk away, I see PJ put his arm around Chris.

I bite my lip in both envy and disappointment. I realize now that being their friend has impeded on their relationship, and that they have to spend their time together when I'm not there. And they're literally the model couple. They've been together for two years now, and show no signs of breaking up. My heart sinks a little as I realize what's been happening, but I also can't help but think to myself:

Why can't I have a guy like that?


	14. Chapter 14 - Phil

**A/N: Again, written by Appreciate_Jon_Snow on wattpad (I'm getting tired of writing this every other chapter so for the rest of Phil's chapters know that she wrote them XD)**

* * *

 ***A couple weeks later***

It seems like Dan really did give up on me. I knew he wouldn't last, he's not the first one that tried. I do hate to see him so depressed though. He used to be happier… It's probably my fault. All I do is make things worse. That's why I stay out of it. Why I just simply live. Dan sorta drifted away from his friends, being more reclusive. Hasn't said a word to me in weeks, but he still sits next to me. Like he did today. "Hey Dan," I whisper, feeling bad. _I've been there before._ Dan stares at me, eyes full of disbelief , "H-hey Phil," he manages to get out, still in a bit of a state of shock. "Why don't you talk anymore?" I ask, straight to the point. I may not care about _them_ anymore, but I don't wanna risk small talk.

He pauses for a second, like he's debating whether not to tell me. Eventually, he spits out, "Why the _hell_ do you care?" with a scowl on his face. I furrow my brow. Dan's never swore before. Honestly, I didn't think he could with that heart of his. Have I hurt him? I feel a slight twinge to my heart, but decide to ignore it-what heart do I even have left?

After giving me one last glare, Dan turns away, probably thinking I don't catch the tear that rolls down his cheek.


	15. Chapter 15 - Dan

I haven't talked to Phil or PJ and Chris for the past two weeks. Although PJ and Chris looked a little sad when I ignored them at first, I think they caught on and are now enjoying each other without the burden of me. I still can't believe it took me that long to realize what I'd done. Hopefully I left before I did too much damage.

" _Hey, Dan!" PJ calls out to me across the field. "Come eat with us?" I keep my gaze focused down on my lunch tray. I hate to leave the only friends I've made here, but I get that they need each other without me getting in the way. PJ calls out again and starts to walk over to me. I get up and walk over to the tree which Phil usually stares at. I know PJ wouldn't go_ there.

 _I see PJ staring at me out of the corner of my eye. His eyes are pleading, and one could go so far as to say there were tears there. I start to turn around-_

 _No! I quickly turn back and walk over to the tree. I can't go to him now when he looks sad-by leaving him I save him from tears later. With my new resolve, I walk deliberately towards the tree and sit underneath it, ignoring PJ's protests of "Dude, come on! This isn't funny!" and "Seriously, Chris and I wanna hang out with you!" and "Come on, don't be like this! You're acting like Phil!"_

 _I just bite my lip and stare at my uneaten lunch._

Phil, on the other hand, seems happier now that I stopped trying to help him. I suppose I should have realized a long time ago that just having a full heart doesn't make me better than anyone else, or able to help anyone else. I thought that I'd fixed things for everyone else, until art class. I take my usual seat in the back of the room, next to Phil. I've stopped sitting with Chris and PJ, which leaves me with no options other than Phil. I don't want to hurt anyone else by acting like their friend, and I know that Phil will just ignore me.

But today he doesn't. As I sit down, I hear a soft voice, "Hey Dan." My head snaps up. What's he doing talking to me? I thought he hated me! Maybe he just feels bad for me...but I don't want others' pity. He looks up at me expectantly, seeming to want a response. I almost don't give one, but I can't ignore those blue-gray eyes staring at me sadly. "H-hey Phil," I manage to get out, then start to turn away. I can't risk any contact with anyone, especially him. Why did I trust myself with people before? This is a city! I should know not to get too close to people. But before I can fully turn around, Phil adds, "Why don't you talk anymore?"

For a brief second I'm taken aback. Was he paying attention to me? Did he actually like my attempted conversations, and he just didn't know how to respond? _No._ He just feels pity for me, that's what probably happened. Yes, that _is_ what happened. My head spins with rage. The _loner_ wants to talk to me? Now _that's_ pity at its finest. I won't take this. "Why the _hell_ do you care?" I snap at him, and turn away in frustration. I never thought this would be so hard, to just get him to ignore me.

I know I wasn't helping him before, so why does he want me now? But...I did like talking to him...and his fringe was cute…

 _NO!_ I can't be thinking these thoughts. I can't let everything get ruined here too.

I just wish things could go back to being nice, with my friends from my old town. Then again, they weren't great either.

I bury my head in my hands, tears starting to fall. I thought I had it all-best friends, a loving family, a perfect heart-but that just made me ruin my own life. Sure, I had friends, but they only liked my heart which made me act happy and exuberant. The only boy I ever liked was taken from me by said friends. And when I moved, I just screwed up the best couple in the school. I honestly can't believe I haven't realized this before.

I quickly excuse myself from the classroom and wander throughout the school, tears still streaming down my face. I can't think of anything I could do to fix this.

So, like the idiot that I am, I sit under Phil's tree and cry.


	16. Chapter 16 - Phil

**A/N: this one's pretty short sorry XD**

I see Dan leave the classroom with tear stains on his cheeks. I watch after him in awe. I've never seen Dan cry before, and I didn't think he _could_ cry. I stare at _the_ tree and notice Dan. What's he doing out there?


	17. Chapter 17 - Dan

**A/N: heres another chapter since i was a lazy ass about updating**

I glance back up at the classroom window from underneath the tree. Hopefully the teacher won't notice much-in art we mostly just do our own things and I'm pretty sure our teacher doesn't know any of our names.

I find myself wondering what could have happened to Phil under this tree. Was he attacked? Was this where his heart shattered? I bite my lip in thought, hoping nothing _too_ bad happened to him.

That's when I see Phil staring at me from the window.

I gasp and start to run. He could tell the teacher, and I really don't want to go back to that woman from before-I've recently learned that she's the principal-so I just run from the school, letting my legs take me anywhere. I try and shake off the feeling in my heart as I run, but nothing happens. Ever since I stopped talking to Phil, PJ, and Chris, I've felt almost like a hand is squeezing at my heart.

But no matter. What matters is me getting away. I need to find a place to camp out for the rest of the day so my mom won't ask questions about me being home early. I turn through street corners, down alleyways, and weave in and out of the way of shopkeepers trying to sell us their stuff.

Eventually I find myself at the corner of the skate shop and a smoke shop, out of breath and panting. Hopefully no one except Phil would look for me here, and Phil wouldn't want to look here anyway.

That's when I see them.

A group of four men in black hoodies, with piercings dotting their face and tattoos marring what little skin they're showing. All of their hearts are nearly shattered, split into so many meticulously cut pieces I can't even count them. They spot me and smirk. One of them-the one with a dragon tattooed around his neck-speaks, "Ah, a little one. With such a pure heart too."

The one with half of his face scarred smirks as well. "Let's see what we can do to change that."

"No!" I hear a voice shout from behind me, and turn around. A boy in another black hoodie w ith a fringe covering his eyes is standing behind me, a scowl on his lips. "If you hurt him, you die," he whispers, voice husky and laced with venom. I quietly let my brain admit to itself that I find his voice sexy and that he's-wait. _He's Phil._ I growl in annoyance and start to turn away, but stop myself. Phil must know them somehow-he even has the hoodie. Did they shatter his heart? If they did…

I set my lips in a thin line and advance towards the group of five. "What are you doing?" I ask in a not-so-innocent voice.

The redhead wearing orange goggles laughs. "Wouldn't you like to know," he teases. I tense up and prepare to attack, but scarred-face grabs me by the back of my shirt and pulls me to him. A knife presses against my neck, and I bite back a scream. "Now, now, Matt, no need to tease the little one," he says in a mocking voice. The knife presses deeper into my throat, and the man's long blonde hair mars my vision.

The smallest one of them-a boy no more than my age with white hair and penetrating eyes-cackles in a high-pitched voice. "Why kill him when you can hurt him for life?" he asks in a monotonous voice.

"Ah, good point." Blonde boy lets me go, and I fall to the street, clutching my neck and gasping for breath. Phil rushes over to me and kneels down. "Dan! Are you alright?"

"Phil. Isn't it good to see you again," Matt smirks. "We've been waiting for you to come back. You were such a great asset-"

"Shut up!" I snap. "You've done nothing but hurt him ever since you took him in-or whatever happened. _You're_ the reason he's like this. And _you got pleasure out of it!_ You make me sick," I growl, and start to stand up. Blonde merely laughs and kicks me in the ribs with his heeled boot, sending me back down to the road. "Defending your boyfriend, are you?" he mocks, and laughing, slams his boot down on my nose. Blood clouds my vision, and I cry out in pain. He cackles and raises his foot to attack again.

Just then, Phil runs over and grabs Blonde's boot, flipping him onto his back. I grunt in pain as his leg lands on my foot. Phil, unfazed, stands over Blonde and kicks him over and over again, until Blonde is rendered unconscious. I try to stand, and start to thank Phil, but this time the albino boy knocks me down. I look up at him through my blurred double vision, and catch him smirking evilly. He brings his foot down onto my temple, and I see no more.


	18. Chapter 18 - Phil

**A/N: HELLO IM ALIVE! here's another chapter...**

I look at Dan's unconscious face and grab Matt's shirt. "You will never hurt him again," I growl. "Oh, but we will," he grins, and fidgets with something in his pocket. Probably a gun. "Fine. We'll play this game. What do you want from me?" I ask with a sigh.

Matt puts one finger on my chin and tilts my face up to his, our foreheads touching. "We want you back, Phil," he murmurs. No… not them again.

"Fine Matt. But you won't hurt this boy ever again," I say, trying to look menacing.

"Why? Is he your boyfriend?" Matt teases and smirks again, chuckling. "But I accept. We've been waiting for you, Phil," he whispers into my ear.


	19. Chapter 19 - Dan

I awake to a pounding headache and the sounds of voices. My brain feels fuzzy. Where am I? What happened? The last thing I remember was sitting down in art class…

Then it all floods back to me. Phil talking to me. Running away. Finding Matt and the other two. Seeing the hot guy-Phil. Phil saving me.

I hear Phil and someone-after a bit of thought I recognize his voice as Matt-are talking. Something about wanting phil and not hurting me. I try to piece it together, but my brain feels too fuzzy. Maybe they…

 _Oh._ They're making a deal. Phil has to stay with them as long as I'm safe. _No!_ I don't want Phil to go back with those people who hurt him! I try to stand up through the blackness, but everything is just fading away…

I wake again to voices, but this time I can see after opening my eyes. I'm in a hospital bed, my parents leaning over me and whispering in hushed voices. I catch Phil's (dick) (sorry) voice in the background explaining to the doctor what happened.

I suppose this is what I deserved, after all the things I did to hurt my friends, especially PJ, Chris, and Ethan. And, of course, _Phil,_ who saved me even though I was intent on hating him. I never thought that someone with such a shattered heart could actually be so selfless and kind. _And cute,_ my subconscious adds.

I try to shake the thought away, but my brain is still fuzzy, my subconscious taking over. Which isn't good. I need rational thought here.

 _Though, it would be nice to just think about Phil,_ I groggily think, then shake the thought away. What is this? I don't even like Phil as a friend, let alone a crush!

The only person I'll ever like is Ethan, because of his happiness despite him being bullied and having a cracked heart, his kindness even though no one was kind to him, his _cute_ fringe…

 _The same qualities as Phil,_ my subconscious adds.


	20. Chapter 20 - Phil

What did I just do?! Joined _them_ again? And for what? To protect some stupid kid from school? I couldn't get any dumber. He can fend for himself, but no. I had to step in. I slip out of Dan's hospital room unnoticed. I have business with Matt, unfortunately. I make my way to their base, my feet still knowing the way. Matt waves me over and pulls me into a tight hug. "Hey, Phil," he whispers in my ear, then promptly pecks me on the cheek. I recoil and he laughs. "Aww, don't be so embarrassed! It's just me!" I shove him away. "Shut up, Matt." I mutter.

He saunters over to me and hooks a finger under my chin again. A ruthless smirk stretches across his face. "Now, you don't mean that, do you?" he whispers, venom lacing his voice.

"N-no," I stutter, trying to back away. I've experienced Matt's wrath, and I really don't want this right now. But he only advances further, backing me into a wall. "S-stop!" I shout, voice shaking. "If you want to stay you have to behave," he says, the smirk still plastered on his face. "Okay okay! Just get away!" I plead. "Why Phil, don't be so shy," he murmurs, tilting my face up to his. "Let's have a little fun, shall we?"

A figure creeps up behind Matt, and I pray to every god that exists that he can save me. But of course, no such luck. It's just another gang member-Mello at that. Mello's always been the one to attack people first, to lead our gang. My stomach twists into knots as I think the word _our._ I tried to leave them behind ages ago, but they've only chased after me since. Especially Matt. I wish I knew what his deal was, but frankly, I haven't cared ever since he shattered my heart.

But Mello surprises me today. Instead of laughing and punching me in the face "playfully", he launches himself at Matt, tackling him to the ground. "What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" he snaps at Matt. I stand there in shock, slowly backing away. Will they notice if I left? Probably not if they don't care that much about the "mission".

There's just one thing I don't understand: why was Mello acting so weird? He's usually Mr. Tough Guy and ignores Matt's flirting. What's up with him?


End file.
